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December 2014 Ends A Year, Spent Still Unfurling Fear, That Some Actually Cheer…

December 2014 Ends A Year, Spent Unfurling More Fear, That Some Actually Cheer, Who Puts This Into Gear, What Do They Hold Dear, Lives Are Something To Smear, Will A Hero Grab The Spear, Thrust Deep Into Earth Here, Like The Bravest Musketeer, Standing For What's Dear, Make Hatefulness Disappear, And Be A Better Future Sightseer.
12/28/2014 • Behind Our Humble Abode • by RTC

Below the SHORT STORIED STORY, it's all of my December 2014 RhymeCrime!

There are a few photos below, which I took including the one on the right.

SHORT STORIED STORY
Bobbing In Llama Land

There has never been one person who has been able to do every impossible thing that needed to be done. Until NOW!

Okay, not now either, but I had you thinking, and fantasizing it might be me, right? Right!? Yes, you may shake your head vigorously that that is not the case. However, I could see it in your eyes there was something going on, not just that errant eyelash causing you to blink excessively.

Yes, right there! You got it now. And even if it was that eyelash, and it was a big one… By the way, do you have a grand-ular follicle problem? 

Anyway. Let's agree that if you weren't shaking your head, and it was the case to some extent, that would mean that I am at the very least a very major head case. By the way, I thank you for that palm to head backhanded comment. A comment is a comment is a comment, and it helps with my SEO master plan to takeover the world of the sub moronic.

Even though this is our very small world after all, we stand tall in the eyes of smaller people. It also means we hold our annual conference at Disney World. Our small group meets in the animatronic presidents' lunchroom. While we are a very small minded group, as you might expect, still we are listed in Disney's onsite meeting bulletin board right after the Sub Atomic Physicists Academy Annual meeting. Yet, their conference setup is bigger, but they walk RIGHT passed us to get to theirs.

I say RIGHT passed us because the president's lunchroom is RIGHT there in the hallway. We were told since they are animatronic, they eat very little, or was it nothing? It's no wonder, I don't think they get out at all! Here they are the president's of OUR COUNTRY, and they are hidden from us until we come to this place!

I will tell you this RIGHT now that if my person is animatronicly deep waxed, I am not going to be put away like this. It's like a freaking sideshow! Except for Nixon that's hardly fitting a venue. And did you know they have put Joe McCarthyism himself there as Nixon's valet or something? It's really sad, yet as an eternity placement strategy very appropriate.

One of the virtually real reasons they have all of them there in one Disney place has to do with the budget sequestration. We're saving on their Secret Socialism Security Services! Can you believe it? What genius!

I'm glad I figured this all out before I said anything to them. If I may brag a bit here, I know all of them on a first name basis now. Imagine if I would have let this slip. Then I thought, what was that saying, loose lips sink shit? So I zipped it up, and washed my hands of it.

Let me partially finish by warning you about animatronic deep waxing. It's not at all like cryogenic freezing mom or pops. When you are bringing them back, you don't warm these waxed one's up. NOPE.

See, I had been wondering about it myself. And figured I would see what would happen if I tried it. Not wanting to bring back a president who may come to realize his SSSS predicament, and lash out at Congress, which is so fragile now they may stroke out from anything serious at all, I figured I'd try the Joe bob first.

I call him Joe bob because that's his demeanor around Tricky. "Yes sire. Yes sire." It's pathetic, yet wholly fulfilling at the same time.

So I'm heating up a hot water bottle in the microwave… By the way, the lunchroom microwave is in the hallway there. Actually, it's mine, Disney refused to put one there because it's a fire hazard. That means I must bring it in my backpack each day, from a hole I dug near the llama barn. Bringing it through security in my backpack seemed to be very disturbing for many of the Disney officials.

You know it's a sad morning in America when a place like Disney is so alarmed when a person of my stature, a high ranking officer in the Sub Moronic Temple of The Yikes Tumblr is seen as a threat to our irrational security. Unfortunately, even Thomas Jefferson has no skin in this game: my freedom and liberty to hump microwaves around in a backpack in a small world, after all! Besides having no real skin anymore, Tom just talks the old line. Nothing has changed in that poor man's mind.

Okay, back to Joe bob. After finding another hot water bottle, the first one was not microwave safe, I heated it up. And as Joe bobs his head a lot, he bobbed out of sight from my position, I gently tossed it from the balcony…

The bottle, which is more of a bag, so I'm not sure why it is called a bottle, hit on the floor just before the stage. That meant I had to go retrieve it without bobber seeing me. From watching many spy movies closely, I've learned that if you walk nonchalantly while whistling a show tune no one will notice you. Since I cannot whistle, hum or even remember the tune of any musical, I decided just to name off a number of them in a sing song fashion. This seemed to work. Bobbo just kept bobbing.

It was still hot when I got there. I knew it was hot right away because I screamed out like a small boy child when I grabbed it. As I named off a number of more show tunes, I nonchalantly walked up to the Joey bobby, and laid it on his head. I stealthily walked away, proud of myself because I didn't have to repeat the same show tune title the whole time!

Watching from a distance, I was getting President Benjamin Harrison's autograph again, and as I was thanking him profusely again, I saw the bobbed losing his caustic and virulent complexion, and expression. He was expresso-ing it all over the floor. Joe McCarthy bobs' face was now shabbier than his last public demonstration of psychotic partisan government work to build a better country.

As I conclude, I thank all my animatronic friends, and I do consider them all my friends now, for their participation in the roundtable discussions we had. Even though they mostly repeated the same nostrums and axioms of their day, I felt we made a connection.

When I go to the White House next month, I'm thinking it will be a fun story to tell all the president's men and women. Of course, I will want to show them my microwave, which made this experimental story possible. How far is it to the front door from the fence? I'm still not very sure. I do know it takes me about one second per foot to hump this big backpack across a field.

While it's usually Llama Land where I'm doing the humping, the White House lawn won't have the same minefield avoidance requirements. All I need is one volunteer, you maybe? You can also be an honorary member of the Sub Moronic Temple of The Yikes Tumblr if you do make the attempt! I need more members anyway, since the two former members also tried to distract the guards at the WH gates, and they were hauled away.

I would have stood up for each one of my two members in good standing. But it was hard to stand up. The group's microwave is used, purchased from the Benjamin Harrison estate. It was his sister's, I'm pretty sure. The thing weighs about as much as I do, and runs on steam, which requires a large boiling tank.

This has been much fun. Some will say fanciful. I'd rather say magical, after all!

 Over Duly Truly,

 RTC

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