April Much Showered, So May The Force Be Mosquito Powered, Stings I Bee Cowered, Many Poet Now Glowered

When I write my RhymeCrime! bunk, I am not drunk but I have little thunk. I'm just a poet in the mind of a punk, who seems to have angered a skunk. So that's the smell that stunk, and causes many to blow chunk.

--- I know my headlines are long, but as with my poetry (some may disagree with this designation but again…), I do this to frustrate the poem thumping purists, who I reward with red corrective ink stained aneurysms on a frequent basis. 

Also Posted with Tweet Below

*RTC, he's just a big lunk!*

(*I got this line from a review; it was a fan or critic… It's so hard to tell from my lines of work.*)

I will be posting all (approximately) 60 RhymeCrime! from April 2014, over the next few weeks or so. There will also be various asides/tweets in the form of Know More Wine! and Know More Beer, even some Know More Gardening! (And possibly other accessories before or after the hack).

So I begin with the beginning, and more recent after, or before, that as may be the case against me.

Oh yes, and the puns may be quite grim as well as some being written pell mell…

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I'm raising the bar–Now every bottle's ajar! So it went too far–Which means no cigar! #Beer drunk…ready to spar as sip #wine on plaid sitar!

— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) May 1, 2014

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Example Placement … Tweet of (Potential) Client

RT^@PonziWines Maria Ponzi on growing up in…vineyard & Pinot Noir obsessions, @Grapecollective…http://t.co/aOG6RgAgxx pic.twitter.com/rKqRmEUgWV
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 11, 2014

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Trash "them" aloud…Feel totally unbowed! Now routed by the crowd–Consumed by storm cloud… #Don so low-browed…Realize #racism isn't allowed!?

— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 30, 2014

That bouncer's mean! I said he was less than lean… Walk from scene–Avoid screams like Dean… So from #beer we must wean & no #wine w/cuisine!

— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 30, 2014

KNOW MORE BEER! Let me make myself clear. I like dark beer. Obviously, now I'm confused… I'm clear about #beer, yet I'm lite in the head?

— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 29, 2014

Send in the clouds–Shelter the crowds… No more tornadoes allowed–All of US avowed! Only #beer to get US plowed & #wine have US babble aloud!

— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 29, 2014

Find time to enjoy–But know I'm not just some boy toy! OK that's a ploy–It's my defiant #decoy… Rather than being cloy–which tends to annoy.

— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 28, 2014

Bring home the bacon–But it's all taken! Is my life forsaken? I know I'm shaken… Must do #beer & #wine drinkin' at the county line of Macon!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 28, 2014

It's time to embrace–Assume my real place… End the rat chase–Dangle a #boa in its face! Sick #Jesse Ventura on Ace–Become a total head case!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 27, 2014

Stop seeing red~Shut off Excellent Ted! No crackers in bed~End easy honey fed! #RhymeCrime about #beer some dread & of #wine all have fled!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 27, 2014

A #mind in rubble–Reason drained into puddle… Headed towards befuddle–Idiocy I cuddle… Luckily I bet double–So I've been upgraded to muddle…
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 26, 2014

Raise a glass–#Dine on fresh caught bass! Picnic on grass–Listen to live strings & brass! #Beer bottles amass–Drink local #wine & of Alsace!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 26, 2014

Rock the cash bar–My Sharona so back far! Traffic #jammed plural noun car–Ms Kitty did riot czar! Head bangs left me ajar–John play #guitar!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 25, 2014

Is there an end? Won't lose run If I passed wind… Funny I've pinned…Butt of jokes–I've sinned… #Beer + #Wine twinned=Audience not chagrined!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 25, 2014

Give no slack–Send it back! Never be part of a pack–Lay your own track! Oh that #beer's really good Jack? Then I'll try it, I want no flak…
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 24, 2014

If I was ever A LERT…I'm an A LERT now! RT^@BeckettsTable BT SPECIAL ALERT…grilled sea scallops, green apple salsa verde, green papaya salad
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 23, 2014

Brace for the #bratwurst–Put down my #thirst! The E.Majors cursed–Battered what I've versed! Readers now dispersed–Into day job I'm coerced…
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 23, 2014

Racking my brain…Now under a serious drain… As I try to strain…Thinking's an existing bane… But #beer zaps all pain & #wine levels my plane!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 23, 2014

Goes up comes down–Like smile to a frown? Yes if wore hospital gown to walk in my town… #Honking the nose of a clown under a BK paper crown!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 22, 2014

My world's been rocked as gut was socked… #RhymeCrime is blocked & faux-wit laureate mocked… #Beer stash dry docked & #wine bottles chocked!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 22, 2014

Monday has bitching–2 Party causes twitching… My loyalty's switching–Most just ditching… To #truth I'm hitching–But requires much stitching…
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 21, 2014

Hear the tune of a #MN loon… Striving under baleful moon–Much of US potential strewn… More #beer as I lampoon & #wine to expand babble boon…
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 21, 2014

I was gone on this day. That's why the gap, my missing morning RhymeCrime version.

It's a simple game–Call out a name… One that's not the same–I say this concept is lame… Then let's craft #beers exclaim & tasty #wines tame!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 20, 2014

The rest of my 2,000 over the top #follower entourage! @BeechersNY @PastaCoUV @LiamsRestaurant @KurtDammeier @mstaylor1767 Thanks so much!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 19, 2014

I take a day off, & it's 2000+ followers! @AllAboutConejo @InboundMktgTips @BeechersSeattle @BennettsBistr @Pastacobv @somepigseattle Thanx!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 19, 2014

Is my throat broke? Swallowing makes me choke! Was it a stroke? Of no genius by a bloke! Maybe a #beer to soak & #wine from barrels of oak!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 18, 2014

I'm not your just 4 pun! I've been the fave #son… Yes the only one–but they never did shun… OK sentencing had begun…So how must it be spun?!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 17, 2014

Love the most–Offer a #toast! Do a funny roast–Know a #SouthBend Jon Yost? About #beer I love to boast–I desire to drink #wine on the coast!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 17, 2014

KNOW MORE BEER! When someone plays a #song of mine, I feel like having a #beer! Then I feel very sad… Since I'm no musician & so 0 songs.
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 16, 2014

Making my way to the 2,000 Follower payday…But here's to @FranklinTen .@Mamis_Authentic .@wintalynetwork helping me #dine nearer the buffet!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 16, 2014

#RhymeCrime's the plot–What has it got? Some of all jeers or a lot–Reply me if or not… Yet rather than what you baht–it's puns I've wrought…
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 16, 2014

I hate criticism–An English major red ink prism… Sentence shackled diabolism–Causing mind schism! #Beer is my narcissism–#Wine the aphorism…
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 16, 2014

Today what goes? 1st–stop stubbing toes! Avoid ripping pants as I #garden hoes trying for even rows! Hope all grows–Done all I can #compose.
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 15, 2014

Walk instead of run–Why is that hon? You've been outdone–Anything else 4 fun? Have a #beer @ Bar None–You sip #wine as the #eclipse is spun!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 15, 2014

How to make it work? Not likely as a jerk. Don't pull off if I #smirk–It's like I'm Capt.#Clerk! So better to shirk–Yet there goes any perk…
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 14, 2014

So I need a goal? Well mine is in some hole! Maybe I'm a mole? Yet she just said–TROLL… Then @LiftBridge #beer 2me roll & #wine for my toll!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 14, 2014

KNOW MORE GARDENING! The #garden has bugs in it. Weeds need to be hoed regularly. More often than not I'll see a snake… Cool huh! :-)
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 13, 2014

I've much doubt–Most days be pure rout! Yet this pain I'm anti-TMI #stout…But for my last bout? Actually not had a drought & OMG must spout!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 13, 2014

Take all for granite–As I rock planet! Fewer guys must man it=Promote more women damn it! Love #beer, won't pan it–Now #wine w/friend Janet!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 13, 2014

My saving #grace? How I plead my case… Not to past retrace–Hedge w/a straight face… As many errors ash I can erase…Out of town #hoarse race!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 12, 2014

My final time@ a bar–I grabbed the tip jar… How I got this scar–Bouncers caught me in my car… Now I buy #beer made subpar & #wine of 1 star…
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 12, 2014

Don’t think I worked @Davannis #Richfield, unless it was just once or twice. But congrats on 35 years! TBack Friday? pic.twitter.com/PEUgfGUY4s
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 11, 2014

KNOW MORE WINE! The difference between a basic wine panic & a simple wine crisis only #sommeliers can discern. BUT I JUST WANT MORE #WINE!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 11, 2014

Lawmakers fast & furious…Why I'm curious… Do #legislators act so spurious–Isn't it US injurious? Moving beyond inglorious–Towards delirious…
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 11, 2014

Witnessed my overhyped beer & #wine typed #RhymeCrime! Up the river here… https://t.co/YrDg3fYhBF … by RTC pic.twitter.com/0b4YTwq4Iq
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 11, 2014

I do this "fast-#hike" rather than bike… Twas a spill on my trike & it scared me as tike… Luckily I've #beer to like & #wine to fear strike!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 11, 2014

KNOW MORE BEER! While this feature maybe be of grating taste & less fulfilling than you're used to, I add bonus #beer belly pics & belches…
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 10, 2014

#Writing in my style–Maybe how others defile… What I do compile–Will #English languish majors rile… I hope to beguile–But do as rank & bile.
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 10, 2014

Party in the USA! I'd not go all that way… Let US just say–Partisan's starting to betray… More #beer as I stray! & much #wine as we mayday!?
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 10, 2014

Nice! RT^@MacariVineyards: Absolutely breathtaking Red-tailed #hawk sighting today on the vineyard #nature #northfork pic.twitter.com/FWNPaFseCn
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 11, 2014

A life #fantastic or just bombastic!? Many thoughts spastic–Ideas non sequitur elastic… Olympic in beliefs gymnastic or mostly #sarcastic!?
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 9, 2014

KNOW MORE BEER! My ignorance about #beer could fill a cellar of #barrels. My goal is to find that #cellar & put my palate thru its graces!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 8, 2014

Weekend ye Al find–Walk mile in booze lined… Live life as mined–Excel in all sue unkind… Off sir no #beer blind–But hold #wine ass you bind.
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 9, 2014

My tweets have meaning–May be how I'm leaning… Often a sad #preening–Yet I do left #greening… But as a mob's convening–I do reply screening!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 8, 2014

All I pursue–Is truest of true! Yet I'll get close to blue & pester till many go shoo! But the #beer owed is due & bottle of #wine or I sue!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 8, 2014

Expect the best! Even after arrest? Compete hard in #life's contest! Now I'm very distressed… I get depressed–waking to such a crowing pest!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 7, 2014

We all get along–Except in that throng: Which was all wrong–Like me in a thong… a #beer called Mao Zedong or moi #wine walking in a sarong…
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 7, 2014

Never been a fink–It's what I think… Some put up a stink & say you're the missing link! After I wryly wink–I mutter…No wonder I must #drink…
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 6, 2014

I count on a toast–like glad to see your #comPOST! You want to roast–but I avoid that most… Let me #beer bash host or your #wine I'd boast?!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 6, 2014

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I reached 1900 followers on this day/April 5th

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Days have gone bye! I let out a long sigh… Few words can I ply–That's kind of a lie… Then I'll give it an #Irish try w/a #risky pun so #rye!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 5, 2014

Where to go tonight–A place happy & bright? Need some insight to turn on a light^ Yes, a spot called #Beer w/Bite & #wine to my wife excite!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 5, 2014

It's one of those days–Already in a #haze… Nothing I do plays–Luckily I have the sun's rays… Then again little #pays from a #daydream gaze…
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 4, 2014

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Before and After of Snowmageddon at the home place, with accompanying-related tweets

After Snowmageddon April encore presentation, this morning. pic.twitter.com/JIxdr64uZR
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 4, 2014

Snow left as of yesterday morning. pic.twitter.com/HByGeZoCoq
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 4, 2014

Snow's falling–Plow guy calling… Cabin fevered mauling–Spring flingers balling… So tender pour #beer tall thing & good #wine to sip lolling!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 4, 2014

Daughters drug me out to see SuperAmericaMan in a blizzard. Saw Monuments Men in 1 as bad a month ago. So beer/wine #RhymeCrime @11:30 10min
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 4, 2014

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KNOW MORE WINE! This on & off again segment is problematic… I drink #wine: then I'm off somewhere… Then to be back on isn't as palatable.
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 3, 2014

Every day's fated & I'm so elated! Then my life's already weighted–No matter what's slated… #Sober or inebriated–my choices Kant be debated!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 3, 2014

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Why is this photo here? It's just freaking beautiful!

RT^@RRPL Join us for Low Maintenance Gardening: Presenting Master #Gardeners, this evening (4/3) @ 7pm, in Auditorium pic.twitter.com/1Fc89gxvIA
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 3, 2014

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Now I've made my bed–I must lie in as iced lead… Untruths to be bled–By Dr. Jekyll who said… Drink #beer w/frothy head & #wine of blood red!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 3, 2014

My message to #earth–Give time here worth… Abolish knowledge dearth–Marvel in our #BigBang birth… Shed the garbage girth–Spread much #mirth!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 2, 2014

As an Irish-Polish mixed non-drinker of water–it's no biggie…RT^@jackgorman HS Thompson's… Routine…worse than you think http://t.co/RkjtjHeXBm
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 2, 2014

Pretty pink toes on dash–Yes, but I'm in near crash… I just painted eyelash–Pinkie also has splash! Honey@ #beer bash–buy your #wine w/cash!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 2, 2014

KNOW MORE #WINE! I may not be a a #sommelier or wine connoisseur/aficionado… But knowing how to spell each word must mean I'm halfway there.
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 1, 2014

Make today go well–Sit on lawn a spell… Seeing what #clouds foretell–I discern a pell-mell! My heart runs like gazelle–Oh…it's my damn cell!
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 1, 2014

Like a church ending benevolence…RT^@FoodTruckBazaar Food truck rules in Alabama prevent the #homeless from being fed http://t.co/6lYwGcGzP1
— Wines And Gardens (@WineAndGarden) April 1, 2014